The problem with a two-story dog ​​bridge


I was standing under an outdoor terrace on the second floor of a dog-friendly brasserie when a few old sayings came to mind.

There’s no point in crying over spilled milk.

And, of course, don’t stand under an outdoor terrace on the second floor of a dog-friendly brasserie, unless you want to dodge a deluge of something worse than rain or milk.

I came up with this one myself.

While visiting a nearby mountain town known for its hippie vibe, arts, crafts, and food and beer scene, my travel companion and I hit up a few places that had popped up since our last visit.

One was a business dedicated to local agriculture and farming heritage – and some tasty burgers – with a large outdoor eating and drinking area.

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It was almost full, and almost everyone who made it that way had a dog with them.

“Do you think we need a dog to get in here?” I asked my travel companion. “Maybe we should have brought our own.”

We both had a good laugh. Our dogs, despite efforts to teach them that people are generally good – it’s a little lie, I know – are not ready for prime time public appearances.

One is an unpredictable rescue who showed up tied to the front door. Surprise! The other is an old lady who does not tolerate stupidity.

And mischief abounded at this establishment, thanks to several feral kids frolicking, teasing the dogs, and riding on their backs. A particularly disturbing carpet rat continually disturbed a dog with a stick while the supervising adults ignored the situation, probably engrossed in deep conversation about child discipline.

Across the street there was a brewery that wasn’t there the last time we were there. We finished at our first stop – and I’ll be back for a burger for sure – and headed to the second.

There was a small indoor space where a few people sat, along with their dogs. Outside, there was a terrace or patio on the first floor where a few people sat, along with their dogs. A set of steps led to a deck on the second floor where a few people sat, along with their dogs.

We went down to the less windy first floor deck and considered hiring a well-behaved dog for our next trip up the mountain to better blend in with the crowd.

As this discussion ventured further into the absurdity, we heard a splash on the floor of the bridge a few feet away and saw the remaining liquid falling from above.

“Oh-oh, someone upstairs spilled their beer,” my travel companion said.

A dog barked above our heads. We looked at each other.

We quickly finished and left.

So, as the third most popular humor columnist in the tri-state area, I offer this public service announcement for current and future entrepreneurs:

“Are you planning to add a two-story dog ​​terrace to your restaurant, brasserie or place of worship? Maybe you should reconsider. Due to an unfortunate incident in which I was nearly soaked in canine urine, I became aware of the potential dangers of such an arrangement.

“Of course, we all like to take our dogs with us wherever we go – restaurants, breweries, visiting Uncle Lem in the intensive care unit, etc., but let’s use common sense. Perhaps dogs should stay on the first level of an establishment’s two-level deck where they’re less likely to urinate on patrons below.

“While this may annoy some dogs hoping for better eyesight or their owners who think their dogs should have better eyesight, it can prevent customers from quickly finishing up and leaving or, worse, going into a blind rage because that they are covered with dog. urine.

“I remember another old saying: Don’t —- get behind my back and tell me it’s raining.”

Scott Hollifield is editor of The McDowell News at Marion and a humor columnist. Email him at [email protected]