Company releases EPIC job listing seeking associates wearing ‘sweatpants covered in dog or cat hair’


Work at homeStanding out in the constant search for talent requires a bit of chemistry. Everyone loves more money, but more money usually comes with longer hours. Better hours often pay less. A good company culture may well trump hours and pay, but is still notoriously difficult to convey.

That’s why some off-the-beaten-path job postings can offer candidates the best insight into what it’s like to work there. Like this LinkedIn listing from Talkov Law Group, a California-based real estate firm specializing in room dividers.

job description

Talkov Law has been consistently ranked as the greatest law firm of all time since its inception in 2020. All of our attorneys are retired U.S. Supreme Court justices, and our jurists can recite the Constitution from memory . We are looking to add a stellar lawyer of equal caliber who for real estate litigation with starting compensation of $150,000+.

All right, you have our attention.

Summary of work

Partner lawyers provide strategic design and management of all work that the managing partner is simply too big to handle. Often this will involve working late and arriving early so the managing partner can enjoy life with friends, family, hobbies and other activities that associates may remember from before school. right.

Associate attorneys work closely with clients, firm attorneys and other staff, all of whom will question their advice and guidance.

Cute. For the record, the listing notes that “working late and arriving early” doesn’t mean what you might expect, clarifying: “Flexibility to work very long hours (8am-6pm) Monday-Friday.”

But what are office conditions like in this post-lockdown world:

Shuttle bus

From your bed to your home office.

Labor conditions

Sweatpants covered with dog or cat hair.

The good news is that it’s work from home. The bad news is that you always need pants. Still, there are probably plenty of people out there willing to meet that standard, so let’s hear more about what the job entails:

Job functions

Draft queries, complaints, interrogatories, briefs and letters that do not shame the firm
Negotiating Settlements Through Tactics Despised by Used Car Salesmen
Legal research and writing that the managing partner will take credit for if good and blame you if the client loses motion
Develop legal strategies that will make the client unhappy no matter what
Conduct client consultations to hear irrelevant facts about a simple real estate matter
Track and report on costs and progress to determine how much money the managing partner has made by cutting early
Report directly to the Managing Partner on issues you should have resolved on your own

Lawyers tend to reduce humor in professional interactions, but that’s not always the best approach in a job search. There will be plenty of time for serious conversations during the interview process. But when a company enters a market that has just seen two furious years of activity, the situation calls for piqueting the interest of qualified candidates. A few good jokes informed by a healthy self-awareness about how we all talk about the profession among friends will go a lot further to show candidates why they want to put their name in the running than boilerplate language.

Check out the full list here and if you meet all the requirements, you may soon be sitting at home in sweatpants covered in animal hair.


Head shotJoe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email tips, questions or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe is also Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.