Carolyn Hax: Roommates Turned ‘Talkative Monsters’ Want Another Dog


Adapted from an online discussion.

Hello Carolyn: I live with two roommates, both are old friends from college. We are now 26 years old. Anyway, in the last year they have decided to welcome dogs. I was all for it and agreed that they could take them in, but I’m not a big pet lover and we decided the dogs were theirs.

The first dogs were good and well-behaved, but my roommates turned into talkative monsters around them. It was like a switch had flipped and they were talking like they were talking to toddlers all the time. Once I noticed it, I couldn’t help noticing it and it annoyed me to no end. After a few weeks the dogs found homes and the baby stopped talking.

Well, now my roommates have decided to bring home a puppy to keep. The thought of them talking in baby talk…forever…makes me want to scream. I previously casually mentioned the talking baby, and they both laughed it off and said they couldn’t help it. I didn’t talk about it again because I am fully aware that I can’t control others, I can only control myself! But short of moving, what can I do?

Bored: It’s really just make peace with it or move on. I am sorry. Or say no to the puppy. Or mention irritation less casually, but then…I don’t know. First of all, squeaky talk is effective. And, you have every right to object, but you also seem to have an otherwise happy arrangement with old friends, and I would never advise breaking up any of them lightly.

Which brings up another possibility, that you’re naturally maturing out of group life – whether it’s this particular group or any group at all – and that message happens to be worded as follows: “Who’s the best boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Loving your friends very much is especially important now because puppies are a total pain in the ass compared to adult dogs; I hope they know what they’re getting into (you). In fact, the fact that they are talkative freaks may seem like your dream problem in retrospect when a puppy turns your life upside down. (Perhaps adopting an older dog is a better fit for your household…)

In any event. If that helps make peace, then please allow that canine person to point out that dogs love baby’s voice. To like. I am sorry. I learned it from a trainer, and my kids will never forgive him, but at home, I’m the queen of dogs because I do the squeaky voice and not my sons, except to make fun of me and my voice squeaky. So here is.

Re: Talking Dog: Hi! I work with beefy, macho guys who train dogs to work with police departments and they even do baby voices. High, excited, squealing voices of literal Marines. Dogs love when they have obeyed and it excites them to keep following instructions. Sorry but it’s a good thing in dog training.

Anonymous: Don’t be sorry, be squeamish.

By the way, baby’s voice makes dogs even more beautiful. I have this from a good source.